Couples generally decide on a “no children” wedding for two reasons: 1) To save money by cutting down on the number of guests; 2) To avoid crying, screaming, running around, little hands in the cake and who knows what else. Depending on the size of your families and the life stages of your friends, having an “adult only” wedding or asking for no children can be a great way to save money and avoid these unpredictable instances. This can also hurt a lot of feelings. So what do you do? I have outlined tips for the bride and groom, as well as the guest with children, on how to handle this sensitive subject while keeping with proper etiquette.
For the Bride and Groom:
- Give Fair Warning: Before sending your invitations, call your guests with children and let them know you are having an adult only wedding. This will give them plenty of time to make arrangements for a babysitter and avoid any confusion later.
- Don’t be Tacky: Printing “no children” on an invitation is a little off-putting. Instead, consider “adult only” or indicate the number of people invited on the RSVP card. For example, “We have reserved ___ seats in your honor” and only include adults in the count.
- Don’t make Exceptions: Chances are someone will ask if their child can come anyway — don’t cave. If you make exceptions, there could be hurt feelings of parents who have left their children at home.
- Offer Childcare: If possible, offer childcare at your venue — a separate room with toys, crafts and kid-friendly food. You could even recommend an off-site facility or babysitter, depending on the number of children.
For the Guest with Children:
- It’s Not Personal: Just because the bride and groom have opted for an adult only wedding, does mean they have anything against you or your child. Chances are they will have children someday too.
- It’s Not about You: The wedding day is all about the bride and groom. Suck it up and respect their wishes, whether you agree with them or not.
- Respectfully Decline: If you are unable to make arrangements for your children, simply respectfully decline. Send a nice card or gift with best wishes.
Photo Credit: Jasmine Star
Great tips! I was just asking about how “not to invite” children to a wedding. These are perfect! Thanks.
Glad the post helped! We are always here to offer advice
My fiance has 2 children from a previous marriage and we are planning on having them be the ring bearers in our wedding. We would like them to attend the reception(at least part of it), but we do not want any other children at the reception. What are your thoughts on this? Is this poor etiquette? I am also having my sister’s daughters be our flower girls and would like them at the reception. Can we do this without offending anyone since they are family?
Hi Lesley,
That is tough. If you are not excluding other family (as in the only family with children are in the wedding party), I think this can work. I would stick to to the tips outlined in this post: Tell parents of the ring bearers and flowers girls, that you would like their children to be in your wedding party and that they will be the only children at the reception (or part of it). If they are only welcome at part of it, you must realize that means you lose the parents too unless a sitter can pick them up. When telling other parents that the wedding is adults only, be sure to specify, while you are having children participate in the wedding party, they will not be staying for the whole reception. Treat your written invitations the same – “adult only”. Your family will know the wedding party situation and you’ll be able to count them accordingly. Hope this helps. Best of luck with your wedding!